Oh yes. Our intrepid adventurer had signed up for a 33 mile ultra.
She was excited. She booked trains and a hostel and a weekend off work.
And then she smugly downloaded the training plan....and realised that she should already be at week 8 of 18 ......bollocks!
Now the wise woman would have immediately donned her trainers and got the fecking thing done.
But I am not the wise woman. Far from it.
Here's a few things you can do to avoid a long run:
1. Look despairingly at a 6 day, 60 hour work week and realise it's early morning/ late night or not at all.
2. Set and ignore 5am alarm clocks 3 days running.
3. "Carb load" in the evening at work then feel too bloated to run home. Repeat.
4. Actually get up. Fall on ice getting cat back in. Declare too dangerous. Go back to bed.
5. On the final day of reckoning, avoid for as long as possible with: a lie in, hydrating, a trip to the art house cinema to see a movie about Russian ballet (and carb load on popcorn), popping to a friends to drink pre run tea...and gossip....and borrow gloves....and play Duplo with her children......
6. OUT OF OPTIONS.....DO THE FECKING RUN.
It should be noted that if you leave a long run until the last possible moment you may:
1. Discover you aren't wearing enough layers and get very cold.
2. Get soaked to the skin.
3. Discover the only route home is closed off due to floods.....run up it anyway through knee high water.
4. Get so numb that it takes several minutes to undo your rucksack to get water and gels out.
5. Get home with frozen hands, unable to unlock your front door. Have small tantrum. Do furtive jazz hands in the hallway until they work again.
6. Discover that popcorn is poor running nutrition and feel dizzy and sick for a while.
7. BUT overall feel elated and jubilant that you finally got it done. Woo hoo. Go you. You did it. *cheerleader montage*
That is the stuff of long runs. The jubilant feelings we earn. The joy that only other runners can understand.
........Ooh look an offer on donuts. Big boxes of donuts. I could watch Endeavour.....in the bath....and eat donuts...........*pops training plan down and looks up donut flavours on the internet*
Thanks for reading love the not so wise but ever so real woman.
x x x x